This entry is to let you all know that my Peace Corps journey ended sooner than I had planned and I returned to the U.S. at the end of August. It’s been an adjustment, not so much from a culture shock perspective, rather an emotional adjustment coming to grips with a vision I had that didn’t quite materialize in the way I had hoped for, planned for, and expected.

People have asked me, “What happened?” I really don’t have a short or succinct answer to this. There were a number of factors that contributed to creating a “Perfect Storm of Disharmony” for me. In the end, I came to the conclusion that remaining in Jamaica for another 14 months was not in my best interest.

So what’s next, you ask? Life is amazing when you just let it happen. In October I became a student at the Baltimore School of Massage Therapy. Several years ago I had looked into a program for massage therapy but I wasn’t in a position to quit a job to attend school full-time. Returning from the Peace Corps earlier than I had anticipated, without a job or any commitments, has allowed me to pursue this desire. God willing, by the end of June I will be a nationally certified and licensed massage therapist. I hope to open my own practice within the next year or two.

In closing, I want to thank you all for the encouragement, support and love you showed me while I was serving in the Peace Corps. I don’t have any regrets about joining the Peace Corps or about terminating early.

I encourage you all to follow your heart. I did…and the journey continues

Calm Before the Storm

Tropical storms are interesting in that you tend to get a lot of lead time to prepare. By lead time, I mean that the storm has been on the radar screen for a week now.

The storm path hasn’t deviated much from the projected path. However, an update we received today from our Safety & Security Officer is it looks like the storm will take effect earlier than anticipated (Saturday a.m. was the earlier prediction) and that it could pass closer to Jamaica’s northeast coastline which includes Port Antonio.

I’m a little anxious and a little bit scared. The reality, however, is that it could pass uneventfully and end up just becoming a very strong thunderstorm.

This morning I refilled my 12-gallon water jug. The water supply in Port Antonio is challenged on a good day with water lockoffs almost every day of the week so there’s no telling what disruption in service a tropical storm could bring.

In a short while I will be heading to the grocery store to replenish my hurricane rations (Please don’t tell my Safety & Security Officer!) which I have been gradually paring down over the past month. I’m curious to see if the locals will be en masse at the grocery store.

More to come…

I reacquainted myself with ebay, updated my PayPal account, and spent the better part of a Sunday searching for a computer that would meet my needs. I wanted a small one like the netbook I had bought before coming to Jamaica. I didn’t need a DVD drive because I have an online subscription to Netflix. I really just needed a computer with wireless capability and a word processing starter package.

I found a 7″ notebook that seemed to have what I needed so I bid on it. Then, after exploring my options, I realized that I didn’t want such a small computer. I wanted something close to what I originally had so I found a 10″ notebook and bid on it. You know where this is going, right? Yep, without any contest, I won both bids.

My friend arrived and I received my new computers on July 9th. I wasn’t able to get online immediately because my Ethernet cable was broken and when I went to my Internet provider they told me I had to bring the cable back and they would re-crimp it. Happily, yesterday I got my newly crimped cable and voila! I was back online.

I started exploring the features of my beautiful new computer and noticed that I didn’t have Word or Excel. Surely this new computer whose ebay advertisement boasted a recent upgrade to Windows 7 Professional would have basic word processing and computing capabilities, right? Wrong. I contacted the seller and he told me that the computer did not have those programs because he upgraded to Windows 7 Professional but if I sent it back to him he could add them. Since when do upgrades diminish capabilities? He told me it came with Windows 7 Starter and Windows 7 Starter is what I want. This, my friends, is a case of Caveat Emptor or Let the Buyer Beware. I emailed him back, thanked him for the offer, and explained that I was serving in the Peace Corps in Jamaica and sending it back would be a complicated, time-consuming and expensive endeavor. He asked what I wanted to do and I said he needed to provide Windows 7 Starter to me, free of charge. I’m awaiting his response. Thus, I moved on to Computer #2.

Computer #2 is a no-name mini-notebook using the Android operating system. I overlooked that because the ad said it ran on Windows. It has 4G wireless capability but I am unable to get wireless in my house so I have 3G capability by using a booster. This computer, however, requires a dongle. A what? A frickin dongle. It’s a device that attaches to an Ethernet cable. Now I need to get a dongle.

I continued to explore my new Chinese computer which I have fondly named MODEL:X6-7V. Although the ebay advertisement said it operated on Windows, it appears that it doesn’t. I attempted to open a Word doc I had on a thumb drive and a message came up which said, “Presence of an SD Card is required to open Documents to Go. Please insert a card and try again.” WTF, really?

The reality is I now have three computers, none of which meet my needs. BUT, I am very grateful to be able to reconnect with people through email and Facebook and vent my frustrations through my blog!

Getting computer back in the exact state it was in when I dropped it off:

I knew how they had gotten there – they walked up the steps to my apartment. Then, they squeezed through the gaps between the columns of my guard rail. What I didn’t know was how they were going to get down. I watched them walk to the edge of the roof, all three of them, huddled close together, and it seemed as though they were going to jump. They must have changed their minds because they turned around and started assessing their options. They walked around the roof for about ten minutes before they figured out they could exit the same way they entered. And exit they did. One, two, three goats walking confidently through the gaps of my guard rail, past me watching them on my veranda, and back down the steps.

Not a care in the world!

I question many, many things related to the Peace Corps, its presence in Jamaica, the Youth as Promise II program, and my role at the school I’m at.

I’ve been here almost 11 months now. Two months for training and the last 9 months I have been at site. I still don’t feel grounded in my work. I know, the Peace Corps also says that it often takes a year or more for volunteers to begin to see the fruits of their labor. I have a feeling mine will be “or more.” One of my challenges with feeling grounded is that four months into my service I changed work placements. Why did I do this? Because I was not doing anything (in my opinion) of value. I was working at a Youth Information Center (YIC) and my days were mainly filled with logging computer users into/out of the center. I made copies for users and printed documents. In essence, I was working at Kinkos.

My intent of this post is not to bash the Peace Corps rather to express my frustrations in being a Peace Corps Volunteer almost twelve months into service.

In all fairness, the things I was told I’d be doing at the YIC were appealing, they just didn’t happen. Going out into the rural communities and bringing services to the youth was one. Working with unattached youth, another. I decided, four months in to my service, to change sites. I did this because I felt, “Time, she was a wastin’.”

Peace Corps allows you to change sites if you have reasons that they believe substantiate a change. I was extremely frustrated and made my case for a site change. I looked back at what I originally thought and hoped I’d be doing in the Peace Corps and that was working with children – either one-on-one or in small groups. So, I set out to find a setting where I thought this could happen. I chose to work at a school that was in my neighborhood. With my social work background and experience, I thought that working in the Guidance Department would be a good fit so I called the principal, explained who I was, and she told me to come in.

This placement is challenging in that given I literally walked in off the street, they weren’t sure what to do with me. I’ve been there four months now and have been running Anger Management sessions for kids who were selected by their teachers because they have anger issues. The classes were originally scheduled for 30 minutes and originally I had about six classes. Finding a place to have the sessions was a challenge because all of the classrooms were in use and for weeks on end the library was being used for dance rehearsals.

Most of my classes have fallen by the wayside but there are two that remain where the children are steadfast. These classes will end in a few weeks and school itself will end on July 5th.

So as I begin to wind down this school year and think about the next, I ask myself, yet again, “What is my purpose here?” I’m hopeful that next school year will be different. I will know the teachers and they will know me. I will find out what specific needs they have that I could fill. And hopefully, I will have longer term interactions with the kids where I can develop relationships with them, and make a difference.

I’ve been holding a series of “Anger Management” sessions for some students in my school. These are kids who were chosen by their teachers as having behavior problems and, who could benefit from learning some alternatives to their usual aggressive style of conflict resolution.

I decided to introduce the kids to yoga and meditation as a way of letting them experience what it feels like to be calm and peaceful. Yesterday was my first class and it contained eight 4th – 6th graders – 2 girls and 6 boys (a problem already!)

These kids are some of the most high-strung children I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said 80-90% of the kids seem to have ADHD.

We started the class outdoors and it took 30 minutes for them to settle down. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It’s as if the teacher is invisible. No matter how many times I told them to take a seat on their mats (towels), they ignored me and continued doing what they do: licking each other, kicking each other, calling each other names, etc. Then somebody had to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. Finally, I got their attention.

We ultimately went inside to the library. I had forgotten that it was free after several weeks of being occupied by the girls dance team that had been practicing for a competition.

Once inside I was able to introduce them to the concept of “being still.” It was a beautiful sight to behold! They enjoyed the class and asked me if I would have it on the weekend. Since I have no life here, I said I would

Shavasana

King of Disruption

I left the office, with a throng of 3rd graders cheering me in my wake, and walked in to what is so typical of Jamaican classrooms – chaos. Kids were yelling, running, hitting each other and only a handful were doing their work. I approached the front of the classroom and with a loud voice (for me) told them to “Listen Up!” Surprisingly, the chatter was reduced to a low hum and I asked who could tell me what the teacher had instructed them to do. A girl sitting in the front of the room shot up her hand and repeated what the others had told me earlier. I then asked how many had started the assignment and almost everyone raised their hand. [I doubted the truthfulness of this.] I went on to tell them they needed to do their work and I would be available to help them if they needed help. I went back to my office as I am not a “Substitute Teacher, rather I work in the Guidance Office.

A few minutes later 7-8 kids came down to my office and said they had finished their work and asked if they could sit in the Guidance Office because their classroom was still noisy. I told them they could. Before I knew it, I had 15 kids buzzing around the Guidance Office [which is the size of a very small bedroom.] Many of them asked permission to read some of the pamphlets that were on the table. I told them they could. I should have known that pamphlets called, “My Body and Me” were going to garner a lot of discussion! For the most part, when they asked questions, I just told them that, “It was part of human nature and they’d learn more about it when they got older!”

This beehive-like activity continued until it was clear I had lost all control of the office. I found myself making imaginary lines they were not to cross and putting a capacity limit on the office. I told them only 6 kids at a time could be in the office. After saying that, it was like a game of “Musical Chairs” had broken out as all of the kids clamored for a seat in the office! There were kids [boys] going under the desk, behind the file cabinet, and under the day bed. This activity kept up until I hollered, “Who in here is a leader?” Several hands shot up so I pointed to one girl and said, “Okay, you’re a leader so you need to set an example for the others and leave the office.” To this she replied, “Miss, I’m not a leader, I’m a follower!”

All the while this was going on I kept checking my watch because I knew, at some point, they had to go back to their class to be dismissed for the day.

I expanded my office capacity limit to 8 because I couldn’t get the boys out from under the day bed. Children were standing outside the Guidance Office while I stood planted in the doorway. When they asked why they couldn’t come in, I told them the office was for kids with problems or for kids who are injured. I know, I set myself up for this one. “Miss, I have problems!” said one little girl. Then, before you knew it, I had kids limping up to my door or falling to the ground writhing in “pain” stating they were injured!

Finally, by the grace of God, the bell rang and they headed back to their classroom. I stood quietly in the office wondering, what the hell just happened?

It was 11:30 a.m. and I was scheduled to work until 5:00 p.m. I knew at this point I could never be a “real teacher” in a Jamaican classroom!

A few weeks ago, while vacationing in the Dominican Republic, I was talking to my friend and I was telling her that I’ve been getting a little bored at night. You see, I have one Jamaican friend (I’m working on a second) and typically, when I leave school, I just come home. I do have Internet and a TV that gets one fuzzy channel and I read and cook but these things only take up so much time. So my friend suggested I make a calendar and give it to people for Christmas. She said that could be my Christmas gift to people since I won’t have the funds to buy presents – a nice, computer-generated .pdf file.

I really liked the idea and today I was thinking that I want to do a “Goats of Jamaica” calendar. I feel that goats are underrepresented in the animal kingdom. Think of all the animal calendars out there. There are dog calendars with fluffy little bichons on the covers and cat calendars and horse calendars. But are there goat calendars? I think not.

So, if you are a family member and I draw your name in the Christmas pool, or if you are a close friend of mine, expect to see a “Goats of Jamaica 2013 Calendar” in your inbox come next December.

Joey (R.I.P.) from Stony Hill, Jamaica